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Jivana's Memoris: 41“Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world; indeed it’s the only thing that ever has.”
To believe in what they believed. Did I believe it though? I had to.
As foreign as it might have seemed to me, they were right. I had been broken free. I was bare in a new domain. If I had issues dealing, it was just that the sensation was new on my skin, a little raw. I’d have to acclimate but no matter what, there was no going back. I was surprised at how I was dealing with it all actually. I am sure I was in a state of shock. Shocked and shocked again. What resilient systems we have.
I pulled over to fill up on gas and give my mind a rest. As I pumped, my skirt flirted up in a passing breeze, and my thoughts, just briefly, were replaced by a feeling of coolness on my skin. As I pulled out, I noticed the fading and dilapidated "Gas" sign, painted in pe
Jivana's Memoris: 40As I drove, that first 40 minutes or so, the sky seemed to have a golden cast that seemed to match my mood. I drove on the long, straight, two-lane highway with shrubs like green and brown polka dots covering the great expanses on either side of me. Highway poppies ate my dust and a wildly blowing flag in the distance seemed static next to the immensity of this timeless landscape. Flags, why did we always have to stake our claim? Would we ever really change?
And why did I think it looked timeless here? Because it always changes from the constant resurfacing of the wind ... yes and that is why they were not worried about track marks maybe.
I thought of Hope, some etheric being as she was described to me.
“Granted we see the shadow people too” joked Wolife. He had been passing by Zoe and I as she was describing Hope to me.
“What are the shadow people?” I asked.
“Oh, you haven’t seen them yet” said Zoe softly, with big eyes
Jivana's Memoirs: 39Pulling out with my car I heard the crunchy sound of dirt on tires. Looking in my rear view mirror, a cloud of dust masked the already well camouflaged lair.
Hazy memories of the films and the happenings fogged my mind. Concentration was not an option. Instead, I felt compelled to just allow myself to watch all the different thoughts, like projections on my fog, fade in and out. Finally, it struck me I popped my head above the clouds and I knew what we had to do. Well, sort of …
All I really knew is, I had to do something. I had the power to do something. I couldn’t wait for them to tell me what to do because I’m not sure they knew themselves. That was clear. They just kept telling me they knew they needed me but never once for what. Everyone has their own part to play and mine was at very least to figure out what mine was.
Everything in the new world was about marketing. I had to do something with marketing … Mark
Jivana's Memoirs: 37“Let’s get you some coconut water. You’re probably dehydrated” said Zoe.
“I was mostly dry heaving” I said
“Um, yeah well I think I still have something to clean up” she joked back with me.
“Regardless, we should all replenish our electrolytes. Lovely idea Zoe” said Paris.
The girls escorted me back into the debrief room. It’s like the room carried a strong and swirling essence still, or perhaps it was just the memories of what had just happened, that made me want to fall over. They brought me to the bar, got me on a stool, so I could at least sit upright but prop myself up on something.
Zephr was in the room with her back up against the wall and one knee up. The timeless tough girl stance. And she was so comfortable with panty shots I just found it remarkable, although I said nothing.
Without anyone asking she said “It’s a Kombucha”
Zoe smiled and then I saw her look
Jivana's Memoirs: 38My eyes popped open. I don’t remember dreaming anything but when I woke I felt refreshed and clear. The film was off. It seemed like everyone had resigned to nap time.
Zoe and I were back to back, curled up in opposite fetal position like spinal fused Siamese twins. I couldn’t remember any specific message from Dr. Rave’s film but I had this clear sense of what Zoe might have meant before … with this being so much bigger than myself. We were part of something not just here and now but almost like something that has been going on for eons, perhaps since the end of time. We represented something, some aspect of the human spirit that continually emerges. The tribes we saw in the film, their customs, are endangered. Even though we risk losing them, and knowledge we might never gain? Somehow part of that was being reborn through us.
With that thought, I felt the needs to sit up. I did my best to not disturb Zoe. This t
Skyline MuseSkyline Muse
vistas of sylvan charms
cross my vision as we drive through art,
a mural of green flags
across a watercolor(ed) canvas.
with her arm out the window
the wind holding her tresses
in a tempestuous tenure,
she looks back at me
and flashes her beaming smile
as we drive towards the peak
aiming to hit the highest mark.
the gravel road rolling under turning tires,
we move up and up,
the sun falling the higher we go.
we always envisioned arriving here at sundown
and it’s yawning now,
so it’s only a matter of time
before it must tuck itself in for the night.
so when we reach crown of the mountain
and park the hardtop near the edge of the crest.
jewel encrusted skies tease auburn blankets
as the stars are finally materializing incarnate,
it’s almost heavenly to see the body
merge from fervor markers to cool ink.
the draft was a signal of the art just beginning,
feet moving across clay as we dangle soles
over the edge of the earth as the day
puts on its hoodie
twenty-threescars are like tattoos
no matter how
they got there, you still
like the look of them.
twenty-twoyou aren't supposed to bury your children.
but if you're the one that killed them,
i guess it doesn't matter
HappyWake up be positive
Going to have an amazing day
Watching my babies is going to be a joy
Even if I have to force myself I am going to be happy today
Not going to worry about anything but being with my little family
little thingsI don’t want to be the wind beneath your wings
or any other monumental things
I wish to be feathers
(a hand to hold,
a gaze to meet
a place at night
to dream in peace)
so you can still fly
intentyou didnt mean that
dont say things you dont mean
things like that
theyll catch up to you
your heart isnt the only one hurting
so dont try to hurt another
its probably already been done
but it still hurts
you meant it?
i dont think you did
you wouldnt mean something like that
you wouldnt feel something like that
how could you say something like that
you loved her
i still do
i know it didnt work out
it ended pretty badly actually
to be honest id hate to be you right about now
but dont just
pass that onto someone else
that horrible feeling
is it only mine?
what do you mean its her fault?
are you listening to yourself?
you sound like an idiot
a cruel idiot
why would you say that
where is your heart
look what youve done
look what youve caused
this didnt have to happen
it didnt have to be like this
it didnt have to end like this
things could have been different
You are not a loneHey you
I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone
You may be going through some hard shit and you think no one in the world is going through some hard times
But I bet if you ask anyone they have gone through the same thing or maybe worse
I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone
You do not have to go down a road that I went through
Don't pick up that bottle or the pills Don't use a razor or think of suicidal
Right now you might think that no one will give a fuck if you take your own life
But I bet plenty of people will care even if they do not act like it
I just wanted to let you know that you are not a lone
It will get better I promise might take a while but it will
It might also get worse but it will always get better
You are not a lone
DaisyHere lays a flower;
A daisy so fragile
Broken and torn beyond repair.
Here lays a shard;
Of her broken, broken heart
It's left her with nothing but despair.
Here, lay her body,
Her tiny shrivelled body,
To be swallowed by the earth
That which had birthed her.
I love you
I know at times we have not been close
But I am glad that we are getting closer
I know that you have gone through a lot of stuff but I just wanted to tell you that I am proud of you that you got the courage to do what you had to do
I am glad that you are finally happy
I love you
My Ethereal Tightropei walk an ethereal tight rope
balancing between blackness and clouds
i lose my step
and fall into both.
the bottom of the blackness feels like a dark cave.
through my darkness
i see myself on the other side
in blissful free fall.
i am separated as if by a pane of glass.
a falling sea star
through clouds of spectacular color
I am joy
rushing unceasing unending feeling
pure, misty dissolution
in the dark, I wish to be that joy,
my palms pressed against the glass,
but I am just a witness to it.
split i turn around,
leaning against my wall
i slip down slowly
embracing my knees-
I know i am alone
i am not sad …
and i am not afraid …
i just don't know why i'm here…
a small vibration
inside my heart-
i take a deep breath,
and walk into my darkness.
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scheinbar is a much-loved and well-known deviant. Just one look at her gallery, filled with enchanting photography, will have you mesmerized. A deviant for over 7 years, Christiane can always be found posting inspirational features as well as regularly commenting on other deviations and encouraging and empowering her fellow deviants. We are inspired and insist that you too stop by and congratulate ... Read More