i went outside
to dance for my Moon
there came a moment
when i realized ...
there's a whole sky up there
Portaltake the eve
fornicate the understanding of the cosmos
live the rave
the oneness, that unity
the real Love, in it’s greatest form
energy like the swirling stars above us
and the dancing of atoms within us
love is star stuff
we are from it
and we become it again
sweeping into our being on the drops
manifesting in our bodies in the bass
taking the energy up on the build
we dance lustful for transformation
modifying our DNA
altering our thoughts
breaking down the old patterns
in one positive projected aura
our parties are the portals
we elevate, we integrate
we change our consciousness
we change the world
keep hope alive
change is not just possible
Amrit Velafull moon arises
on the cusp of a setting sun
power in my darkness
on the run from peeking stars
i sit as a grateful witness
for this auspicious hour
Jivana's Memoirs: 103Our energy was affecting people. In the energy battles we were having on the streets, in the clubs, at our parties, we were having defectors reach out to us. They were being awakened, and it would be our saving grace in our plan to stop Koch.
They would give us confidential information. Some of it was just validating things we had already discovered. Websites that had been pulled down that they could give us access to, conspiracies we were familiar with, but one actually came to join us. His name was Johnson. That’s all he would give us. He showed up at Dr. Rave’s.
He had been wandering the desert in a self made loin cloth all the way from the Great Party to the Bombshelter. He knew the route. He even knew underground passages but he chose to stay on the surface to find himself he said, staying alive only by the water and fruit of the cacti.
He had felt an immense amount of guilt as he was the one that gave
Jivana's Memoirs 108"Ms. Morus, hello"
We were right outside of THEY, the most exclusive club in all of Vagus. All the entrances had been hidden. Our entire journey escorted.
The VIP host wore a suit that looked like it had shrunk on him. I looked down so as not to laugh. The look must be in right now I thought. At least it gave me something to take my mind off of my horrendous airplane ride.
"Hi". She rolled her eyes and looked away.
“Should I give you your regular bottle today?”
“Hmmmm no … I will not be drinking today. Let me see the water list please”.
I couldn’t help but glance over her shoulder.
There was $70K bottle of water on the menu, and of course that’s exactly what she ordered.
“It’s absolutely the best” She said as she turned to me gloating. “Absolutely exquisite the bottle. 24K gold, diamond encrusted".
I looked at the purse and thought about the water. A school co
Jivana's Memoirs 107To get the gear in was quite a feat. It had to be canoed across the resevoir and basically shrink wrapped to make it water proof to get it into the cave. We had someone that worked at an airport that did it for free. We had tested the gear by dumping water over it but we had not known how it would do submerged. There was no way to get into the cave that would be undetected except by coming in the back and scuba diving the gear in. The text from Ken confirmed it survived.
Now, we all just had to wait and hope everything lined up the way we imagined it would be although we knew that things do not always go the way you want them to. Unexpected things always come up. You can’t plan for.
Prisley believed in us for some reason. What exactly and why she was going along with us was still somewhat of a mystery. We were grateful for her participation, but we kept it in our minds that she could turn on us at any moment if she hadn’t turned us in already.
Jivana's Memoirs 106The Big Day came. I stood on the jet way in front of Prisley Morus’s private jet. I had been escorted out of waiting lounge but they would not let me board until she arrived. I knew what kind of plane this was. I used to want one for myself. Now I just looked at the leather which filled me with conflicting thoughts about cows.
I was hot and I was wearing a long black dress. The sun was beating down on us even though it was December. I was in the middle of pulling the fabric of my dress away from my thighs, which was starting to stick to my figure from perspiration, when Prisley’s super stretch limo pulled up. She stepped out with her black floppy sun hat, big round sunglasses, siren red dress, diamond vape pen, shiny alligator stilettos, a tiger fur stole, and somewhat strange purse. It was a large, she could have probably fit a change of clothes in it and an extra pair of shoes. The leather seemed to match the int
Seek EvolutionDon't get lost in the distractions of the world,
there is so much more you can do with your mind.
Dream, focus, manifest.
Jivana's Memoirs 105Once again, I ended up at Prisley's house. I had been invited over to the house but it seemed through her eyes, I was not invited into her room. I stood there in the doorway waiting for her to speak. No longer a forlorn figure, she sat upright, arms crossed, chin down, eyes focused on me, and a long diamond encrusted vape pen framing half of her face. In the dimmed lights surrounding her vanity she finally spoke to me through her mirrored reflection.
"What do you want me to do?" she asked.
"We need you to get us into THEY" I said.
"Why do you need me for that?"
I paused to take in a breath before I responded.
"We need to be discrete upon our arrival so we can serve them these" and then I handed her the papers.
She took a puff of of the sparkling vape pen.
"There's nothing really discrete about showing up with me".
I would have you do thisHere.
this is your prayer
your mantra, your news.
I leave it as I found it, papering in the streets.
as godless a truth as you will know
it’s still a ghost of a dream
smaller than theories of infinite resolution.
you will believe it because it has no industry
no acolytes or storefronts.
it’s not an embezzlement of fascination
or confabulation of missing histories.
you will not doubt its truth because your design is hollow
the space inside your car
the adventitious spine that vials through the weeds
the ice of march on adam’s needle
the ants, crickets, beetles under sandstone
waiting in a music box for the catalysts to wake
and split them out into the breen.
you will speak of your awareness
without knowing what inhabits it
like a colour that doesn't hum
or passing through a future forest
of apparitions in bald park meadows
When I Call On JesusMy soul rests
In His presence
As He covers me
With His love
His arms holding
My weary body
I am once more
Thank you, my Friend
she loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah.slurred visions of last
summer's eve are rejected by the last
time you sold your soul to the devil,
and she whispers in your ear that she loves you,
she grasps your hand, pulling on the folds in
your skin, slithering under the creases
and bending and breaking your consciousness,
you're a lost civilization and she loves the
she presses your hand to her heart and you can't
feel it beating.
you question her and she blinks.
next thing you know,
she's melting, the skin on her face degenerating,
dripping on the gravel and traveling through her hands
and even though she's the antichrist,
you pity her.
before she departs from your body,
she grips your soul tight,
not even apologizing, saying,
"god made me this way, kid."
A Crisp Farewell
There I was small
On an awkward wooden bench
Staring innocently before me
Hands clasped white in my lap
Trying to grasp the concept of
A cross carved and lit upon a wall
The hymns becoming it's background dancers
While the pastor with a haunting voice
Molds the shapes into
Where no strangers to me
I was there for years
Photographing the scenes with my mind
Ever since my parents began beating
It into my head...
Love.. Hell.. Heaven... God
"This is the only way"
They would whisper it to me
"This is the only way we'll be together"
"In the end..."
In the end...
Five years old and made to fear Death
Five years old and made to fear Hell
Five years old and made to fear
Losing my very soul to some invisible darkness...
Becoming a puppet to some evil thing...
As easily as having a dirty thought...
I was to young for this.
But "God" said it was okay.
How where they supposed to know.
It would rob me...
Imprint on me...
Take away my chance
Your LoveYOUR LOVE
You work 24 hours and Your love still remains
While the rest of us continue to complain
In Your spare time, You gave us pleasures and pains
Out of the blessing we take it in vain
And out of the curses, we think Youre the blame
Dont you ever get tired and insane?
Yet Your love for us still remains
How can we not realize that You allowed Your Son to be slain
We forget that He is the Savior without a name
Thats how much Your love still remains
We think were damned but in our hearts you shall reign
Youre like a tailor who sews our wounded hearts of shame
The noise silence makesI sit here, trembling
Hoping she'll come
I know she won't.
I need her
Where is she?
The sounds in this room are strange.
There is no real noise, but the hum of silence in my ears
The odd creak of the house
The thud of my cool heart
And the searing, burning pain she's left me with.
Where is she?
I close my eyes and roll my head back
My face is cool but my arms are on fire
My feet are tingling
I feel nothing and everything
Where is she?
Why hasn't she come?
She always comes when I need her
And God knows I need her now.
My mind races, buzzes, cranks through its ponderings
Worrying, wondering, wandering
My mind strays to that night on the beach
Seeing her beautiful breasts bouncing free
The sunset pink blossoming on her smooth skin
The happiness in every breath, every sight, every sound
And then I'm back in the dark, damp, silent room
No hush of ocean, no pink of sky, no touch of hand
Where is she?
Why isn't she here?
Who is she?
Fire and Water
Twisting and distorting the essence of time
In the dark I am alone
Alone with this friend of mine
A companion in the emptiness
A cocoon of soft love and hate
Clawing guilt and indignity
Protecting me and hiding me
On the rollercoaster that is life
Hurtling recklessly down and down and down
Then high as a bird in the sky
I haven't fallen through the fire and water yet
What is the truth?
It contorts and warps in your head
Parallel thoughts and faded memories
Till you don't know what is right or wrong
True or false
In a world of your own
Nothing exists outside this room
Truth doesn't exist in this world.
In The Dark of the NightIn the dark of the night
Terror becomes my blight
Terror's the least I can do
I can't handle this fear
Whenever you're near
If only you really knew
I try to run away
Try to keep you at bay
A quest doomed to fail
If only I would be given the chance
I'd rid this world of your poisonous dance
You will never prevail
Your strength is my temptation
Driving me ever close to starvation
My lure is forever your fate
Slowly I become weak
As long as I hear your shriek
Fall asleep, it's getting late
Yet when I look at this monstrosity
I am always filled with curiosity
There's little to know
I can't help but doubt
At the words you always spout
You're just all show
Who is this creature?
Is he my teacher?
No-one can ever understand me
What I once held as my disgrace
I might finally learn to embrace
Let me finally be free