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Jivana's Memoirs 64I had done exactly as Old Law told me. I even took off my boots again so I could go in the water at the second cove to have a viewpoint of where I was going. He was right. It was extremely hard to see especially in the bright sun. After several minutes in the direct sun, just at the point where I thought my nose might blister, I spotted a ledge on the range.
I just had to keep on a straight diagonal line I reasoned. I was making my way through the jungle. Reapplying the citronella the moment I could stop smelling myself but all the while musing that there weren't as many bugs as I thought there would be. The jungle relatively quiet underneath the chirping and cackling of birds and the constant buzz of some disguised beetles.
Every once in awhile I would stop, rest, and look around but not long enough to make me nervous that I was off path. Keep straight, I told myself. Monkey hour came and I had to take deep breaths to keep anxiety
Jivana's Memoirs 63The walk was longer than I thought it would be through the sand. I tried to keep close to the water as the sand fleas did not bite me there and it was easier to walk on, but I was in the sun. The heat and the humidity was too intense so once I got around the first cove, I found a spot on a giant log that was on the border of the jungle and beach and went to take cover for awhile and cool down.
There was no cooling down. Even in the shade the heat was oppressive and the air heavy. I would have to jump in the ocean, but that wasn't such a bad decision to come to. At least the sand in the shade was not hot. I put my backpack down, looked around, and started to strip. I still put my bathing suit on but no one was around.
I think I started to feel that feeling of liberation that Old Law was talking about. I felt like I was maybe the only person in the world right now. I extended my arms out, as if I was extending my being over the lands
Jivana's Memoirs 62I'd be lying if I didn't say I was shocked. I was, but something made me feel in that moment that it was okay. That he was still okay. So when he asked if I wanted to go to the beach to watch the last few minutes of sunlit surfers, I agreed although I was pensive. Should I ask? No, I resolved. He would tell me when it was right.
We watched the surfers and then came back into the Cantina. They served food there so we ate dinner, had some drinks, and he told me more stories. Stories about ex-wives and his children, and also that there might be some out roaming around that he didn't know of. Quite the sexual appetite he used to have. As always I found his stories somewhat charming, although often crude. Had they come from anyone else they would have been perhaps intolerable, and offensive. Coming from him they were simply entertaining.
"Now Jivana, you sleep upstairs tonight. I'll sleep out on the beach. I
Jivana's Memoirs 61Finally we got down into the area of Ballena Flore as the sun was starting it's descent. We continued to bump along the road that was leading us into a small, jungle enclosed town. It was early but as we were near the equator, the sun set consistently at this time Old Law said.
"Soon it will be monkey hour" Old Law said.
"It's just right before the sun is going down, that last 15 or 20 minutes. The jungle goes wild. The monkeys start it but all the animals and insects come alive. It's like a symphony".
"For the sun?"
"Or the moon. Or the night sky. I don't know why they do it. They just do".
We pulled up to an ocean front bar, the Cantina he called it. A fairly open space so you could see the ocean straight through it. Cement floors. Leaf thatch roof. Wooden furniture. The kind of place you would expect to see in a far away tropical land.
"This is it"
"What?" I wasn't sure what he was referring to exactly.
Jivana's Memoirs 60And so I took off on an adventure with a old man I didn't really know. On the one hand it seemed completely senseless and dangerous, and on the other I was trusting my intuition about what seemed to me, syncronistic events.
As we left the city he pointed out the new soccer stadium. "Built on blood" he said. "Even in a place like this, there is corruption. That stadium is built on the blood of sharks. Sure they're not shark finning, but they sold fishing interests to Chipan. Four hundred thousand sharks a year so they can drink beer and watch soccer".
On the long ride south he entertained me with more stories, mostly about his young enterprises, surfing, making surfboards, selling a piece of real estate, and fishing. It seemed that money and success had always come his way easily, not because he was lucky but because he was smart. He figured things out. He was a businessman and he paid attention to detail. As a fisherman he was the first to rise
Jivana's Memoirs 59In the morning I woke up, staring at a woven leaf ceiling fan, and to the singing of birds.
I walked out of my room to find Old Law, dressed immaculately in what looked like a freshly ironed button down tropical shirt, and khaki cargo pants. His wide brimmed hat shadowed part of his face. He seemed to be waiting for me, patiently.
Even in the shadow of his hat, his eyes seemed to brighten as I approached.
“Good morning little lady”.
“Did you sleep well?”
“I must have, I don’t remember a thing”.
“Sounds like you got some good rest in then. Take a seat”
“Thank you” and I brushed the long skirt I had on to one side before sitting down.
“You look mighty pretty this mornin”
“Oh well” my face flushed “thank you”.
“Now, tell me why you’re really here”
I stared at him for a few moments. Oh no, was he a Koch too?
Jivana's Memoirs 58Esoterica was not that far away but it was two flights. I woke up in an awkward position, my head trying unsuccessfully to rest on the wall next to the window. It was the kind of position you know you will have aches from later.
We were landing soon and the stewardess had told me to get my seat back in it’s full, upright position. I opened the shade in hopes to watch as we landed, only to be scolded again to put the shade down. She said it would make the plane hot but that wasn't it and I had seen what we were hiding. Pollution demarcation lines. You can't see pollution when you're in it. It becomes your status quo, it's only when you have the vantage point of being slightly removed from it that you can see it clearly. It was not about leaving the aircraft cooler for the next folk but covering up an ugly truth of our times and a measure of our failure as a modern culture.
I wandered the airport mindlessly for about an hour waiting to ge
Jivana's Memoirs 57I could not help but feel that Victor’s text was somehow a friendly gesture. That despite what had happened, he was giving me a tip he was not supposed to give. He didn’t call but he didn’t have to send that text either, and so I felt I better take heed.
Admittedly, I didn’t know what to do, I didn’t know how much time I had but I figured that I had been given fair warning. Nothing would happen immediately, and so I went to bed.
In my dreams I went back to that place from the rave. The place of elation, the place of connection, the place I could only get to in some form of altered state. It felt vivid, and for enough time for me to think it was, then it started to fade and I started to come back. I could see in fuzzy view that space, but I could hear this world around me. It was my phone that was dinging, alerting me to text messages, but before I came back completely I had one last very clear thought. I had
Jivana's Memoirs 56I knew after the newscast that my career at Koch was affirmatively over. If we were framed, then they would know who we were and they would know who I was. If the images had been blurred then this was being looked into and quickly. Instead of fear, I had a sense of release but I did know that there would be something I would have to deal with that I really didn’t want to, Victor’s reaction. He would surely be one of the first people to know.
To my chargrin, Victor arrived at my house the next morning. The twins must have left before I woke as there was not sign of them.
My heart skipped a beat as I looked out my peephole to see Victor very noticeably agitated. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, centered myself, and turned the doorknob.
“Jivana” he nodded toward me. This was not good. He was not charming, he had no sparkle to him, he was being formal to mask the emotion I felt steaming from him.
RockHacking away at a rock with another rock will shape the rock
you are hacking at by time, but the rock you are using might also break.
This can be frustrating and you may want to give up and go do something else,
but that is when you should get back on your feet, find another rock and continue hacking.
You might never feel that the rock you are shaping ends up perfect and you will always see flaws or
improvements to be made. Passion to do something isn't to finish it, it's to work on it.
Hearts of ImaginationStanding near the horizon.
Looking at the world before me and all of it's colors.
Breath taking, inspiring, refreshing.
So many things to say, so many things to feel.
All of this was created by someone perfect.
All of this couldn't have existed.
This was created with a heart that can see perfection.
This was created with a heart of pure imagination.
Imagination is in every heart as the desire of eternity.
How can this be limited and challenged?
It's hard to fathom that all of this was limited.
It wasn't, nor was the heart of the one who rules it all.
Sitting in class, and hearing his words of glass.
Make everything realistic and meaningful he says, but be creative.
Story after story breaks my own heart; where is the imagination?
Where is the one thing I was made for?
In my room I huddle; this class frustrates me.
Papers torn across the room like a hurricane of parades.
I feel torn; I feel cold.
Where is the one thing I was made for?
It all becomes meaningless, and my passion becomes co
Ephemeral MomentsLike the sky above me
And many endless sea-waves,
It seems to me that I am floating.
In the sleep for the past.
In all splendor, in my glance –
Interwoven the butterfly flies
And it is easy to smile for me.
Today matters, but only the true appearance
And far prevail all flaps.
In view, freedom can be almost seized.
Yesterday seems to be forgotten
And the future, beyond question.
Balanced is my wish
To let go all hold.
But shall I chose the sky now
Or shall I dive into the sea-blue?
i fear you
and i love you
you have created the beauty and the life
as well as the misery and death
as adversaries and counterpoints
to your cosmic composition
according to your secret wisdom
you saw everything already
when it was only in germ
in the shining darkness
and before the world was born
even before the beginning
of all you were here
in the beginning of time, on the face of the darkness
shivered the inkling of the breath of your name
of which bright sparkle the world was given to born
according to your divine and foreknowing will
according to your magnificent wisdom
you have send us the purple dawns and dusks
the armies of the stars of the night sky
which twinkle during the long winter nights
together with the moon and the cherry blossoms
of the spring and the multicoloured summer flowers
of various kinds and the shining colours of
They say Christians never doubt
That all we do is look down on people
For being flawed and imperfect
That we think we are superior to all
Let me tell you something
It is a complete and utter lie
If anything we doubt more than most
Because we struggle not to lose our faith
Why fight for it all, you ask?
Because I'll always know
That there is always Someone there
Whose arms I can collapse in
No matter how much I rage and scream
Despite all the insults I throw at Him
Even if I walk away time and time again
He'll never leave, even if everyone else does
The Heathen in Your Midstdo not mistake his presence as a prayer
nor take his poise as an act of attrition
that he sits atop your pew
does not make him one of you
this Heathen in your midst
he has no guilt left to give
and whether you wanted it or not
is no longer a concern of his
he traces fingers along the stone
and makes your Virgin a proud young Mother
the seed of Annikki becomes the blood of Frija
such is his wicked Heathen craft
your symbols do go back in time
where neither Jew nor Christ have breath
symbols of the harvest to be reaped as you have sewn
sigils here are those that touch the Heathen’s heaving heart
do not be offended as this wicked Witch takes your church away
for were you there upon its silent pews
than he never would have come to bother you
Poet has eyeswhen the night takes its step to the kingdom of shadows
then there is liveliness between the told and the untold
then the poet has eyes seventy
times seventy or maybe even more
within all these eyes the poet has fiery look like seraphs
and equal amount of wings in mouth like cherubs
under the poets tongue is a key which opens and closes
everything on the border of the seen and the unseen
but don’t delude yourself because in reality even one eye
or hand or instinct is enough for a human being
to make bright from the darkness of this world
if it only looks within - because look
the kingdom of god is within you and it can not be taken away from you
by angels or thrones or principalities or dominions or powers
The Cross We BearSometimes we are born
with a cross to bear
and to that cross you are not warned,
it is okay to think that unfair
That cross you must carry
to your own personal Calvary
and you must be wary
that all you will feel is agony
Once the cross is made to stand
and just as though it were planned
You will face both The Dark and The Light
only you can choose which way is right
Ascend into Heaven
or Descend into Hell
Can you live with your choice?
Only time will tell...
La demesure de ce monde.La démesure de ce monde.
Nous humains sommes démons et excès :
Ce monde est en démesure d’absurdités.
Quand arrive l’automne
En éclaboussure de couleurs,
En jaunes qui s’orangent,
En verts que le rouge ronge,
Quand la forêt se fait fleur,
Les brumes pleurent l’été en allé
En langueur de lambeaux et caresses
Que le vent disperse bientôt.
Nous humains sommes anges déchus :
Les croyants qui ne condamnent l’ISIS
Font de leur Dieu et Allah, un salaud!
Est-il raisonnable de salir ainsi son Dieu?
La nuit est cette fenêtre sur le vide
Qui habite notre multitude
Sous le champ des étoiles
Notre univers n’est fait que d’aléatoire
Où Dieu n’est qu’un joueur compulsif
Qui a peut-être mal joué ses cartes.
Existe-t-il un univers plus sensé
Où le bien en absolu règne,
Où l’enfant est ce p
Touching Hopethe sea roars
our oil rig rave
we dance between oceans,
primordial and cosmic;
both taunting us.
dance harder -
pour more sweat and soul
into those dreams
into those visions
into your future
made in love and protest.
instigated by lasers
i am shot into the sky
trance-ported by an electric eruption
i linger lightly in atmospheric suspension
connected to galactic essence and
a web of patterned light beams
i see my fellow ravers dance below me,
as my head is a geyser of light
kaskading falling surrounding creating
a vortex illuminating our party;
illuminating our deed.
what is this? …
as i hover in the sound field of manifestation-
ah! my hard work tonight has paid off.
i am touching hope.
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A two-time Community Volunteer for the deviantART Related category, Anne is well-known as a positive, helpful force. She is the community's resident expert when it comes to CSS (Cascading Style Sheets), and her personal gallery offers a wide variety of tutorials for new and experienced coders alike. In addition, each winter she hosts a calendar project encouraging members to create Journal designs for all to use, bringing more creativity to the community.
It is with immense gratitude that we acknowledge Anne as the recipient of the Deviousness Award for October 2014. Read More